Seat Belts and Such

So, I had a great day yesterday with eating well and getting some physical exercise in. I actually drove over to my Mom's house and forced her to do some arm workouts and an elliptical circuit. It was good and I can feel the push up a little today. :) I fell right to sleep with minimal insomnia and I didn't wake up coughing from sleep apnea even once. (For those of you that don't know, sleep apnea is a co-morbity for obesity. My sleep apnea is sporadic, but can be very intense and scary when you wake up coughing and gasping for air in the middle of the night.) Anyway . . . It was a good day! My Mom gave me some really cool recipes for organic high fiber, home made, nutrional cookies and bars, for breakfast supplements. She even donated a special pan for Jenni and I to use to make them.

My form of transportation to her house was my little brother's Toyota Previa van. My Mom has been letting Jenni and I borrow the van while Dan is out of the country and it has been a huge help to have a second car. Jenni was at work with the Jetta so I took the van. Now, this may sound really silly to some people but when I drive the Previa I always feel SO FAT. For some reason the seat belt for the driver's seat is not very long and it just barely snaps into the seat belt "clicker." Whenever I drive the van, it reminds me that I am a "big person." It seems like these little reminders are always in the weirdest places. Of course my pants are tighter, or it is a little harder to walk up hills. But I am sure that no normal size, fit, healthy individual ever thinks, "oh my gosh, I really hope this seat belt is going to fit me." Planes are the worse of course. The seats are small, but that is nothing compared to the dreaded "seat belt extenson." I would rather have the seat belt digging into my belly than ask for an extension. Did you know that you can ask for extensions for your seat belt on the plane? I have never done it because I didn't want to be judged and would just rather suffer some discomfort than have everyone around me hear me saying, "Um excuse me miss but I am slightly chubby and I can't fasten my seat belt."

I guess this all comes back to a key factor in addressing my struggles with weight loss and obesity. Denial. There have been distinct points in my life where I have just said, "Screw it. I like being fat. Its fine. And who really cares, anyway? I mean, its not the most important thing in life." But, when you can't put the seat belt on in your little brother's van, without worrying that you might have finally gained that pound that is going to make it not click in . . . The reality is right there staring you in the face. You are not just big, you are so fat, that Toyota doesn't make a seat belt setting big enough for you. Well, at least they didn't back when the 1995 Previa was made.

Weight Today: 270.4