So, I had a great day yesterday with eating well and getting some physical exercise in. I actually drove over to my Mom's house and forced her to do some arm workouts and an elliptical circuit. It was good and I can feel the push up a little today. :) I fell right to sleep with minimal insomnia and I didn't wake up coughing from sleep apnea even once. (For those of you that don't know, sleep apnea is a co-morbity for obesity. My sleep apnea is sporadic, but can be very intense and scary when you wake up coughing and gasping for air in the middle of the night.) Anyway . . . It was a good day! My Mom gave me some really cool recipes for organic high fiber, home made, nutrional cookies and bars, for breakfast supplements. She even donated a special pan for Jenni and I to use to make them.
My form of transportation to her house was my little brother's Toyota Previa van. My Mom has been letting Jenni and I borrow the van while Dan is out of the country and it has been a huge help to have a second car. Jenni was at work with the Jetta so I took the van. Now, this may sound really silly to some people but when I drive the Previa I always feel SO FAT. For some reason the seat belt for the driver's seat is not very long and it just barely snaps into the seat belt "clicker." Whenever I drive the van, it reminds me that I am a "big person." It seems like these little reminders are always in the weirdest places. Of course my pants are tighter, or it is a little harder to walk up hills. But I am sure that no normal size, fit, healthy individual ever thinks, "oh my gosh, I really hope this seat belt is going to fit me." Planes are the worse of course. The seats are small, but that is nothing compared to the dreaded "seat belt extenson." I would rather have the seat belt digging into my belly than ask for an extension. Did you know that you can ask for extensions for your seat belt on the plane? I have never done it because I didn't want to be judged and would just rather suffer some discomfort than have everyone around me hear me saying, "Um excuse me miss but I am slightly chubby and I can't fasten my seat belt."
I guess this all comes back to a key factor in addressing my struggles with weight loss and obesity. Denial. There have been distinct points in my life where I have just said, "Screw it. I like being fat. Its fine. And who really cares, anyway? I mean, its not the most important thing in life." But, when you can't put the seat belt on in your little brother's van, without worrying that you might have finally gained that pound that is going to make it not click in . . . The reality is right there staring you in the face. You are not just big, you are so fat, that Toyota doesn't make a seat belt setting big enough for you. Well, at least they didn't back when the 1995 Previa was made.
Weight Today: 270.4
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Night Time Hunger
Well, I am on day 3 of no sugar, no bread, no pasta, no rice, no potatoes. Sounds like no carbs, but I am eating fruit and vegetables and corn. Last night was a successful night, but I was so hungry as I was falling asleep. I had stayed up chatting in bed with Jenni for about an hour and by the time it was time to sleep, I was soooooo hungry. But, I forced myself to let it go and try to fall asleep. Also, I have had some headaches from the sugar withdrawals, but Jenni brought me this really cool ice pack thing for my eyes and it was AMAZING! I am feeling really good about how things are going the past few days.
I have started using a program that I have used before for food tracking purposes. Its really neat and it helps me be realistic about what is going in my mouth. For example, we met with one of our friends for happy hour and I did so good. I was really proud of myself. I had these yummy shrimp deviled eggs and Ahi Tuna Ceviche and little bit of hummus (no pita though). I tried a couple of these chicken wings, I am sure they were fried, but they didn't look breaded and they tasted pretty light. It was the perfect amount of food for a small dinner full of protein and fat. However, it was really hard to record in my food diary, but as I was eating I was thinking about what I was actually putting in my mouth. And I left feeling good about the choice I made.
Jenni is so supportive. She and I went to the store and got some sugar free fudgesicles. They help with my chocolate cravings and my ice cream cravings and they are only 40 calories!! Yummy! We made some popcorn on our at home popper too and it was a really yummy movie snack.
Overall I feel like I am starting to feel some relief on this third day and I am hoping by the end of the week, my body will be more adjusted to no sugar. Emotionally I am feeling really good and today I am having some yummy vegetable soup and cherry tomotoes. Pretty good, but so different then a Reuben and a Rice Crispy Bar. :)
Weight Today: 270.2
I have started using a program that I have used before for food tracking purposes. Its really neat and it helps me be realistic about what is going in my mouth. For example, we met with one of our friends for happy hour and I did so good. I was really proud of myself. I had these yummy shrimp deviled eggs and Ahi Tuna Ceviche and little bit of hummus (no pita though). I tried a couple of these chicken wings, I am sure they were fried, but they didn't look breaded and they tasted pretty light. It was the perfect amount of food for a small dinner full of protein and fat. However, it was really hard to record in my food diary, but as I was eating I was thinking about what I was actually putting in my mouth. And I left feeling good about the choice I made.
Jenni is so supportive. She and I went to the store and got some sugar free fudgesicles. They help with my chocolate cravings and my ice cream cravings and they are only 40 calories!! Yummy! We made some popcorn on our at home popper too and it was a really yummy movie snack.
Overall I feel like I am starting to feel some relief on this third day and I am hoping by the end of the week, my body will be more adjusted to no sugar. Emotionally I am feeling really good and today I am having some yummy vegetable soup and cherry tomotoes. Pretty good, but so different then a Reuben and a Rice Crispy Bar. :)
Weight Today: 270.2
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Starting Out
I am going to start blogging about my journey to lose weight. The blog will primarily be a spot for me to share about my challenges and victories with losing weight and becoming a more healthy person. Like a lot of people I have lost weight and been successful in the short term. However, I struggle to keep the weight off and establish a real lifestyle change. Recently, I got married and realized that having children was right around the corner for us. (SO EXCITING!!) Then I started to really think about my health and my future with my wife and family-to-be. I knew that it was time to figure out how to change . . . permanently.
Like most obese people, my eating is not just about something physical. It can be so emotional. I love the way eating ice cream makes me feel and the taste of it (I think that is pretty normal). I love seeing a buffet table full of all my favorite types of foods (pretty normal too). But, I know that something must be different from me and people who enjoy eating, but are not obese. What is this difference? Why do I feel such an attachment to my eating habits? And how I can change this forever in my life.
I recently have realized that I may be nothing more than an addict. Unlike, most addicts, I can't just stop eating (we have to eat to survive, right?) But, I must find a way to change how I view food and the role that it plays in my life. That is why I think that blooging will be helpful in this journey. I need a way of sorting out my thoughts, documenting helpful tips and overall just getting my feelings down on paper.
About 5 years ago I lost nearly 90 lbs. I loved the way I felt and all the doors it opened in my life. But, slowly I gained the weight back. This morning I stepped on the scale and realized that I had gained nearly all of my weight back. My heart sank. I know how hard it was the first time. How am I ever going to do this again? Then it came to me. I am not going to do that again. I am going to change my lifestyle and this is a new way of accomplishing an old goal.
Part of the reason that I think that I gained the weight back, is that I did not journal or keep track of my progress emotionally. This blog is going to be for me to mark where I am in the moment, so that when I reach the end of the road, I know how far I have come, not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually. That way, I can continue being healthy and I can live a full life with my family and friends and enjoy an even greater feeling of existence in this life I have been given.
Weight Today: 272 lbs
Like most obese people, my eating is not just about something physical. It can be so emotional. I love the way eating ice cream makes me feel and the taste of it (I think that is pretty normal). I love seeing a buffet table full of all my favorite types of foods (pretty normal too). But, I know that something must be different from me and people who enjoy eating, but are not obese. What is this difference? Why do I feel such an attachment to my eating habits? And how I can change this forever in my life.
I recently have realized that I may be nothing more than an addict. Unlike, most addicts, I can't just stop eating (we have to eat to survive, right?) But, I must find a way to change how I view food and the role that it plays in my life. That is why I think that blooging will be helpful in this journey. I need a way of sorting out my thoughts, documenting helpful tips and overall just getting my feelings down on paper.
About 5 years ago I lost nearly 90 lbs. I loved the way I felt and all the doors it opened in my life. But, slowly I gained the weight back. This morning I stepped on the scale and realized that I had gained nearly all of my weight back. My heart sank. I know how hard it was the first time. How am I ever going to do this again? Then it came to me. I am not going to do that again. I am going to change my lifestyle and this is a new way of accomplishing an old goal.
Part of the reason that I think that I gained the weight back, is that I did not journal or keep track of my progress emotionally. This blog is going to be for me to mark where I am in the moment, so that when I reach the end of the road, I know how far I have come, not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually. That way, I can continue being healthy and I can live a full life with my family and friends and enjoy an even greater feeling of existence in this life I have been given.
Weight Today: 272 lbs
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